Compatibility in Relations Is Actually Overrated

Having circumstances in common” is actually a standard box to check about intimate connections — we either comment on the number of provided interests two has actually or marvel at what number of they don’t really (and also for the latter, we shrug and say, “Well, opposites attract!”). But in
his most recent column

The Protector

, Oliver Burkeman contends that, according to the majority of current systematic research on passionate interactions, neither of the things are just real. Being compatible, about into the “having things in common” good sense, is actually a general relationship criterion you are probably better off


Burkeman produces:

This article at

For the boasts some online dating sites may make regarding their distinctive personality-matching surveys and algorithms, there is little evidence that sharing a lot of interests or traits with someone makes an effective connection inclined. That is certainly maybe not because “opposites attract”, either; it’s just that it’s not to crucial whether the passions and traits match a prospective


It would appear that the only time being compatible actually becomes a problem occurs when partners begin to be concerned with whether they don’t possess enough of it, Burkeman produces, mentioning
analysis on married couples
from college of Texas at Austin. What truly matters a lot more than some listing of discussed interests, or set up two of you are reverse in exactly the correct methods, is probable how good you keep in touch with one another, and exactly how eager you will be to provide the relationship a go. It’s some solid commitment guidance from Burkeman, some guy whom just wrote a whole column on what you really need to largely dismiss relationship